I get that. I use to be a very different person because of the military. I was obsessed with killing people and had no sympathy for human life. I've worked very hard to get back to the way I was before the military. But I find myself longing for that powerful feeling of being in control of who lives and who dies. Obviously I can't go around killing people in the civilian world so it's a big adjustment. Glad I'm not the only one who has those feelings.