Hi,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to ask this question but I really need some advice on this so I hope I'm at least on the right track here. At first I thought this might belong in the Anxiety forum but I'm not sure. Also, I hope this post isn't too graphic or personal, but here goes.

I've been dating a girl for the past three months who was previously in a very long-term relationship of over ten years. They haven't been broken up for very long. Apparently it didn't end well for him and her; it was a torturous breakup and he had really done a number on her mentally over the years. He was never physically violent with her, but he was emotionally abusive, neglectful of their relationship, and used anger and manipulation as his way of trying to 'connect' with her (think Malignant Narcissistc Personality Disorder, which is what we're both almost certain he has/had... he's pretty much a textbook case).

Anyway, since we've been dating, we've had very few disagreements or conflicts of any kind; we feel able to talk to each other pretty easily, so communication isn't necessarilly an issue. Our feelings for each other have definitely grown deeper, as well. The majority of our physical interaction has fallen into the 'cuddling, snuggling, hugging and caressing" category, but we've also been sexually intimate (i.e. oral sex, sexual touching and manual stimulation, etc.) and while we've actually spent at least one night so far literally naked together under the sheets, we have not yet had actual intercourse - she has stated that she's not ready for actual intercourse, which I'm fine with.

What troubles me, though, is that she seems to have a problem kissing me. Not the action of initiating a kiss... she does that often. It's what happens once we're kissing - (and it's not a problem all the time, just most of the time) - she has said that after a few moments of kissing, she feels like she has to 'break away' because it becomes too "overwhelming." And the truth is that I can sort of sense it. I can feel it when I'm kissing her. It's like there's some kind of a 'block' or something. I wish I knew how to describe it better.

She's an extremely sensitive and emotional woman. That's one of the things I love about her, though. I've asked her if I had bad breath or something, or if she didn't like the way I kiss, or something else, but she's always said that's not a problem, and she's had absolutely zero issues with me using my hands or my mouth on any other part of her body. She's also able to have orgasms, so there don't seem to be any problems there either (but one thing I HAVE noticed, which I have not brought up to her yet because I quite frankly can't figure out how to do it tactfully, is that she doesn't seem to "lubricate" very much when she's sexually aroused. That has made me wonder if maybe she's not really physically attracted to me. I've been getting into my own head and thinking that maybe it's only an emotional/mental attraction. That worries me. But if she isn't physically attracted to me, I can't understand why she would have felt comfortable enough to be naked with me, and why she would have been perfectly okay with all the other kinds of sexual physical intimacy we've shared. I'm guess I'm confused about that too).

Any suggestions? Ideas? I've always done my absolute best to let her feel safe and comfortable with me and I do think she feels that way because she is willing to talk to me and with me about absolutely anything (we were friends for a while before things developed into a relationship). She says she's really not sure why she feels "overwhelmed" to the point of having to break away when we're kissing. The sexual elements I mentioned aside, the kissing is the part that troubles me most. I'm concerned as to what it says about her feelings for me, or her attraction to me, or even about how her previous, long-term, neglectful emotionally abusive relationship might have affected her.

Any help, ideas or experiences with something like this would be most welcome.

Thanks...