Hello Ihope you are feeling better at this tiem.. I am leaving you the hotline number in case you need to call a hotline for your depression. 1-800-273-TALK. I feel that you need to get another therapist ASAP, since you are depressed, and I feel that you need to put the notes down and quit reading them, because it is causing harm to your mental health. I really feel that it is really a blessing in disguise that you were let go from your therapist, if you were not getiing the therapy that you needed, Now you can have another chance to find a therapist that is more to your liking, and meet your needs more adequately.. Some things happen for a reason, and you should not let the negativity on the notes make an impact on your life this severely, You should look toward today and the future to be more promising, and try to find the care that you need so that you have a better life. Try to think of it as a new beginning, and a new start towards a better life. Take care I hope the best for you sincerely Soidhonia