Hey gismo. Guilt and shame are something that usually not only result from things and experiences we're exposed to in the present but also stuff from the past. It can take a long time to work through that. But as an ex-drinker, I can guarantee the drinking isn't helping. I remember all too well being full of guilt and shame to begin with, and then on top of that piling on the guilt and shame of my drinking and associated side effects (being broke, isolating, pushing people away, sloughing off responsibilities, what I was doing to my health, not being able to stop, etc). It also sounds like therapy or some kind of counselling would do you some good. It's not always about taking meds, but having someone to process with, to help you unpack stuff and figure it out.