I'm not really sure if I would be considered DID, but my counselor has told me that I definitely dissociate. And last week I had a really bad day and was able to write down some feelings that surprised even me when I read them a couple days later. I remembered writing it, but it just seemed strange.

Whenever my feelings get too intense I space out or zone out and focus on something else. But sometimes I can even keep on carrying on the conversation but not really feel like I'm there, if that makes sense. I spend a lot of time especially in social situations trying to monitor what I'm saying and make sure I say the right thing.

I did experience abuse as a child. Mainly emotional abuse.

When I was writing I started having this sense that there is this reality that I'm living in and another one that's sort of in my head and I had this image of a deep dark chasm between me and this other part of me inside. I felt like I was trying to grab her hand and bring her over with me, so I could be "real" again and begin to feel all my feelings.

It was a very odd sensation and when I try to go back and think about it again it doesn't seem real. It seems like it was just maybe my imagination playing tricks on me.

I honestly don't think I've ever lost time, but I do have a very poor memory of details in conversations at times. If the person reminds me of what was said I can recall it but I don't remember it always on my own.

I'm just wondering if I'm maybe just trying to overanalyse my condition here.

I also have problems with obsessing and for example the night before counseling I'll be awake on and off all night "practicing" what I'm going to talk about the next day.

Does any of this sound familiar to you guys or is this something completely different?

Thanks and take care.