hello, my name is karan. I WOULD FIRST LIKE TO SAY THIS IS NOT ABOUT SUICIDE! i have been suffering from depression for most of my life. i started getting treatment for my depression in '97 (i had at that time attempted suicide). what i want to ask is - how can i talk with my psychiatrist without her wanting to throw me in the hospital??? i, over the last 1 1/2 yrs, have been getting increasing worse. my depression has changed in ways even i don't understand. i have been on several medications. have had ect. been hospitalized just in this past year at least 6 times, and the last time i went one of the inpatient drs. said to me "karan we are usually trying to get you to go home, now we have to insist you stay". god how that hurt me. all this time i thought there focus was on curing me. anyway i degress. my psychiatrist is new to me of about six months. i feel everythime i say the least thing to her she wants me to be hospitalized. i admitted to her that i always have the thoughts of suicide in my mind. when im driving. when im just sitting, lying, it dosnt matter. i am increasingly getting worse. my therapist is now gone as well on maternity leave, she was the best. she never wanted to always throw me in hospital. she new me well. so now i really have no one to express the thoughts of my suffering to. and it is continually building inside, where i think is becoming anger at the world just for living. i dont want to die all the time, just need someone to say it to and discribe how its killing me to see if maybe i need hospitalization or just someone to cry to, to release whatever this agony is. did i confuse you? do you understand what im asking? if you do, please help???