YES, exactly. Interesting story about the cats. I enjoyed the read lol. I hope to god it's only depression because this is affecting everything I do. The other day I was feeling high (as in not depressed) because my abilify kicked in. I've been taking my meds, but I've seemed to fall back into my depression. It is like a suffocating effect and clogs everything up. I agree it's not confidence, I would have confidence if I had things to say lol.

I know it's affection my cognitive abilities because I can't recall as good as I use to and making connections between things. Having things to say has always been in my mind. I can only think of one time before when I was depressed. It was after I broke up with my ex sociopathic girlfriend. I didn't have much to say that time either and all I could think of is if there was anything I could of done differently. After I eventually got over her I experienced months of a high happy feeling where I was talking a lot and hanging with friends and being the light of the party. After that high feeling for such a long time, I got even higher. With the help of weed and my mania I went into my psychotic break. I was confident coming out of psychosis, but it seemed once that was over I became extremely self critical and angry at the world for what has happened.

I've been this way for 5 months now and can only dream of what it feels like to be normal again. If you are right and it truly is the cause of depression, I will be eternally grateful to the lord. I don't want to live like this forever. I use to host a radio talk show called "Buried In Time." I talked a lot and had good conversation and made connections to generate laughs and good times. I was a strong confident man. One day I would like to return to radio and pick up where I left off, but that seems hopeless now with the lack of things to say.

Even now typing this I feel like I would be more verbal in my expressions. I feel dull and like I have so much more to contribute to the world then what I'm putting out. That's why I've been so hard on myself. When should the depression end? Is the depression a result of bipolar or self inflicted? Or is it just because my brain slowed way the f down after psychosis? If you can answer any of those that would be greatly appreciated lol. Thanks again for the help and advice.