Venus- I hope you might be feeling better, a little by now? I say you must let the anger out in some outward physical safe form. Like spewing cuss words, screaming, somewhere you won't scare people too bad or get arrested, break and smash the **** out of glassware, throw rocks hard into a lake or river, write or draw evil pictures or words and burn the paper... Fear of being locked up stops me from smashing the windows and burning buildings. But this type of anger and anxiety is legit. Let it spew out in a safe way until you find yourself in the calm center eye of the storm, that it is around you, it is not you. Refinding your center, new perspective of accepting what you have no control of, and what path is best right now, and the guidance may come. Been thinking of you and I have the same sort of dilemma, different worlds, different circumstances. And I'm not through it yet but I keep thinking of Taoist teachings of finding your calm center amidst the chaos. With this level of anxiety we are a part of the chaos, spinning fast on the outer ring. So I figure express and release it in a physical way to become grounded until we are spinning in the center able to look at it all around us, outside of us, until we are able to feel we are no longer spinning with it but observing. It may even be possible through meditation. I don't know yet - please let me know if you've found answers because I need help with this too.