I am one of the people who likes to be alone. I have been alone a long time now and I don't mind it. Occasionally, I do get lonely. How do I cope with it? I think of everything I would lose if I had somebody in my life. The freedom to go to bed anytime I wanted and rock myself to sleep. The freedom to watch whatever I wanted on television when I want to. Having to cook meals and clean up after another person. Give up my space. To constantly have somebody else around. Im just not willing to give that up. I have friends, not many, but a few, I can talk to if I need to talk. And you joked about the boyfriend pillow. I bought one recently when I was feeling the need to be held.

part of me is my insecurities. no man would ever want me because I am fat. that is what my mother programmed into me as a child. despite the fact that I have lost weight and now fit into XLs, I still have something about me that doesn't attract men. im scared. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. that's not the plan, but I also fear giving up my freedom now because I enjoy it so much. but I am agoraphobic too and never get out of the house to meet anybody either so how an I ever to meet anybody.

I also have purple hair. it is purple underneath and some purple streaks framing my face. the rest is my natural blond. I just think it looks cool and others do as well. I never did it to attract men since I never do anything to attract men. I never saw it as a competing with others statement. just something unique about me cause I am kindof weird that way.