PS Finally, the only way to find out if the change that has happened in your wife is a result of your past behavior in part or in full is to go back in time and re-run the experiment changing your behavior. This is impossible - you and your wife are not laboratory mice, and the experiment called "real life" is unrepeatable. So, you will never know the answer to "why has she changed?" with certainty. So, the time you spend pondering whether you "deserve it" is a total waste. You need to deal with the problems as they present themselves now. It seems that one problem is that your wife is unhappy, and she is offering a trial separation, which seems realistic as one approach, and an open relationship, which seems equally realistic. You also have a T who proposes sex with an unwilling partner as a solution, and that does not seem realistic. To the extent that the T proposes unrealistic solutions, the T is a waste of time and money. However, since, apparently, the wife opens up quite well while in T, the T does do something useful to justify the expense on him/her. So you probably should keep the T for the value of having your W speak sincerely in the T sessions, and all work together on finding realistic solutions and trying them in practice.