((((Mocha))))

I wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I understand how you feel. I am sorry you have had to go through that, just know that it was never your fault and that just because she said those things and did those things, did not make them true. I do not talk a lot about what my parents have said, but I went through a lot of emotional abuse too. It has really made me pull away and have no confidence in myself. It is really hard for me to talk about things, but I can feel how this made you feel and somewhere this is stirring up a lot within me.

I am glad your dad was supportive, even though your mother made that hard for him. I am glad that you were able to go to the school you wanted to go to, and I am sorry your mother made it really difficult. Just know that it was not you. I cannot tell you why your mother did those things or said those things, but I can tell you that my heart goes out to you.

I understand feeling like you do not have a family. I felt like I never did or that I belonged anywhere. I too have felt very alone there and still do often, and even though I have one now, it is hard for me to feel like I belong or even have a right to. I know and understand the question of why did she (he, they) do that to me. Truth is we may never know that answer, but as time goes on you can begin to put the pieces together again, and make the life you want to have, you deserve to have, and the way you want it. It takes time and allowing yourself to talk about your feelings, about how it made you feel, and taking little steps to change it to what you believe and know in your heart.

I am glad you reached out here. Just know that you are not alone and you are being heard. You did not deserve that and I am sorry you had to go through it. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps