*** Triggerish - mentions SIng (not graphically) and other stuff that could be triggering ***


I figured this spot was as good as any to pose my question, and any insight or resources would be wonderful - I can't seem to wrap my mind around this.

I've been having trouble eating a lot these past few months, sometimes it just pops up but it isn't every single day of every month, so I figured I would just "deal" with it.

I stress myself out, and eating (or feeling nauseous and feeling like it is impossible to keep it down) is next to impossible. Eventually I "snap" out of it or find some way to deal with the stress and I go back to my normal eating habits (eating habits are always average, no more than a person my own age and all that)

However, I get these periods where I refuse to eat. I mean I'm physically hungry and know I'm starving myself but at the same time I just don't care. People keep telling me to eat during these times so I do eat something, but its not enough physiologically to run my body normally.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it to annoy others (which wouldn't classify it as an ED) but sometimes I do it just to punish myself for whatever reason.

I've got a history of SIng, (which I've been clean from for some time now) is this somehow related?

It doesn't seem like Anorexia, and its definetely not Bulimia, or overreating - so what IS it?

Now some history of whats been happening this week.

Yesterday - Had KD (Kraft Dinner) and a Coke and some coffee - nothing else all day. I was fine though.

Today - About 5 cookies and two cups of coffee. I feel ill and I know if I eat that I'll be better, but its like I can't be bothered to eat - that I don't deserve to eat. But if my friends had pushed me more I would have because I don't want to upset them. (Perhaps that is some of the depression talking?)

Yeah, don't tell me that I'm being stupid or ridiculous because I know cognitively what I'm doing is dumb, and although I know I'm overweight according to the BMI, people tell me that I don't look overweight, and I don't really feel I'm overweight that much either.

So I don't think I've got the mindset of an individual struggling with an ED, but perhaps I'm wrong?

I don't think I'll be talking to my T about any of this because I know that eventually I'll just start eating again - until the next time this happens. (Yes, I do realize that telling my T this is a good idea, but then again I've not told this one about my SIng either since I've stopped doing that at least temporarily).

Sorry that I'm all over the place - If anyone can help me out, I'd appreciate it!!