I have totally lost who I am, I look at myself and just see some crazy nutcase who can't be independent, often rely on my parents and sister ( I'm 40 years old for goodness sake). I'm fed up putting drugs into my body that will eventually cause me harm in the future. I don't want to have a brain similar to someone with Alzheimer's but I know without the meds my future would look bleak. I used to make informed decisions about my meds but now I feel backed into a corner. I am fed up being me, I don't even know who "me" is. I am bipolar not someone with bipolar. I used to be reasonably intelligent, now my brain is just mush, who am I now??