I agree with Suga. Dark brooding thoughts leed to darker brooding thoughts. It sounds like a thought loop to me.

I don't think you're a nutcase. The things you're worried about would worry anyone in the same situation. I think our society puts so much shame on needing to seek help from family/friends. But, if we still lived in tribes as humans were meant to do, then we'd always have someone to help out. It goes against our very nature to be alone and on our own all the time. Not everyone can fit into the box, and that's okay.