wildflowerchild, I'm dealing with the same thoughts, finding myself crying more often. But then I get angry; not mindless anger, but anger over my clueless wife whom I've devoted 21 years of my life, only to get kicked in the 'nads, repeatedly(metaphoric), angry at the medical system that can only think in one dimension, angry at being held prisoner by an illness that no one seems to know how to treat. I read of a Soviet writer who was jailed by Stalin and was in a gulag for 30 years and he said what kept him going was his anger towards Stalin and the mindless oppression. He got out when he was 89. Anger can be good when it's channeled towards survival. Survive. Don't give in.