I offered the suggestion of a fairy, which was accepted, in theory - but to notice that, one would need to read paying close attention to the words as written. Also, if you read paying attention to the words as written, you would notice that I actually did have a positive experience being a fairy giving the kind of birthday present OP needs, so I am not theorizing - at least, not just theorizing.

Also notice that while I suggested you pay closer attention to words, I never said that your suggestions are nonsense - in fact, I took my time to acknowledge that your suggestions, per se, were good, they just do not fit the needs of OP.