I am glad you haven't started again...I know how hard it is. Take it 30 seconds at a time if you have to...or even 10. I say to myself "okay I will wait 10 seconds and re-evaluate then." And I just keep repeating it until things get better. I agree it takes a lot of energy, and sleep really helps so I hope your trazadone is working? I found a chat room online that I use sometimes....it is a crisis chat room at the RAINN website if you need it. Nice and anonymous if you're not a big phone talker. Hang in there MdngtRain!