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Originally Posted by adam_k
There could be a lot of reasons someone loses interest in intimacy. Some of the more obvious are depression or a lot of stress.
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I have considered depression and even brought it up with her on numerous occasions. She doesn't seem unhappy or mopey or anything. However, she has definitely lost interest in everything except online shopping and playing an online racing game for hours on end. She quit her job and now she never leaves the apartment. She hasn't met any of her friends in years. She will go to visit her father very occasionally because he bugs her about it until she does it. But she doesn't seem unhappy. In fact, she seems very content to just sit at the computer all day and night.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
Can you answer the question, "Where does you significant other want to be in 5 years, 10 years, or even next year."
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As far as I can tell, her plan for the next ten years is sitting at the computer playing Kartrider.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
There could also be some type of sexual abuse or trauma.
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It would certainly be news to me, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen, I guess. Keep in mind that she was not like this before. Before she met me and for the first year we were together, she went out often with friends, and definitely enjoyed sex.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
Do you give her suprises, unexpected flowers or gifts.
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I would if this is something she wanted, but she just complains that it's a waste of money if I give her anything.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
Do you have mutual activities or go out on dates?
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No. She never leaves the apartment.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
Do you get along, or is there a lot of hostility and anger?
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We get along exceedingly well as long as I don't leave the house. She hates for me to go out, and sometimes that causes some tension if I stay out for a long time, but it doesn't last long. Hardly ever fight or argue.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
You having sex with other women may be giving her feelings of resentment.
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Her lack of interest in sex long predates my sex with other women. The causation is in the other direction. I would have no reason to have sex with other women if it was available at home.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
My best advice is to try and start talking and digging down deep to find the issues that are causing distress in your relationship.
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Great idea if she would actually talk about it, which she won't. Every time I attempt to have any sort of conversation about the issue, she just refuses to have it, gives excuses as to why now is not a "good time" to talk about it, gives stupid reasons for her lack of sex drive ("I've been tired" "I've been sick lately" "What you only care about sex?"). I would like nothing better than to have a rational conversation about it, but I have come to realize that ain't gonna happen. In fact, I feel like an idiot, because it's pretty obvious that her promising to work on the issue was just another empty promise. Nothing has changed. I see no desire in her for anything to change.