I thought for a long time that I might have borderline personality disorder but in reality it was simply bipolar II. After finally being diagnosed and receiving treatment and therapy, it became quite clear to me. I would describe episodes from my past to my therapist, and while I do have a general fear of abandonment it doesn't have a pervasive and expansive impact on my personal relationships. I don't fear abandonment constantly or without cause.
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The instability in the biography of cyclothymics is especially accentuated in those with predominantly irritable traits.[23] These individuals are habitually dysphoric, prone to anger, hypercritical and complaining, with a penchant for ill-humored joking. They would thus easily offend their loved ones, often leading to verbally abusive behavior when only minutes or hours earlier they had vowed "eternal" love. At other times, interpersonal crises escalate because of their pouting and obtrusive behavior. In brief, the morose temperamentality of the irritable cyclothymic provides the unstable base from which interpersonal tempests arise.
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This is the kind of thing I would have read years ago and have self-diagnosed myself as being BPD, but it's too quick of a self-assessment. I have a lot of interpersonal conflict issues but most of those have stemmed from my emotional vulnerability when I was depressed (and therefore wanted to retreat from people, which they didn't understand), or my hypomania (where I became easily irritated or became unbearably grandiose with my behaviors.) Generally a lot of that kind of behavior was also due to my emotional immaturity at the time (who hasn't had a series of stormy relationships or acted like a complete jerk in their 20s?).
I also don't have the explosive and volatile temperament of people with BPD. I don't lash out in rages and then suddenly engage people in a loving manner. it's quite the opposite actually, most people accuse me of being emotionally cold, distant, and unreachable. I don't have anger at people without cause or over immaterial things. I do have intrusive thoughts that occur over minor slights, but that's a symptom of my episodes.
After several sessions with my therapist, who is actually quite experienced in treating BPD patients, he said that I might exhibit some of the traits, but that I do not have BPD. He said that most patients who receive treatment do not understand or perceive their own disorder - and often misdiagnose themselves. They also tend to be extremely evasive during therapy, and are often difficult to work with because they perceive their therapist as an enemy and are often quite hostile. It is a large spectrum to be sure, as bipolar disorder is as well, but he said that most likely I would not have engaged my therapist in the manner that I have, and that the responsive treatment for my depression and hypomania have been mostly pharmacological (as well as lifestyle changes). I responded very well to medication (after a few snags here and there) and most of my lifestyle changes were in accordance with typical changes most bipolar patients undergo, such as maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating right, avoiding caffeine/nicotine/alcohol/drugs, finding a good support network, and learning to monitor my own moods.
More evidence that I don't have BPD is that my sister has BPD, and it's quite clear that our personalities are wildly different - she fits the diagnosis to a tee and she's been in therapy where they have diagnosed her as such - but only after months of evasive interactions. She was nearly shattered with her diagnosis and completely rejected treatment. She has a two-faced personality, where she has these explosive outbursts of anger that she hides behind of a facade of charm. It would be shocking to her friends and associates how incredibly angry she can get over a dirty bowl.
I say this because I don't think anyone here should read this and then suddenly jump to the conclusion that they have BPD. It takes an experienced clinician to do that.