Just curious about the Geodon - if it's not helping or making you feel worse, why does your pdoc still have you on it? Did you really feel more "alive" before you were on it, or is it the circumstances of your life that are sucking the life out of you? I have felt like I'm just existing for about four years now. I have been diagnosed with depression along with BPD, but really, who wouldn't be depressed if they had BPD? I'm really wondering how they are separate diagnoses.

As for this guy friend, I also wonder what the special pull is there. For some reason, you seem to care more for his friendship than that of the friends you hang out with. You seem to want more from him than your other friends. Is it just because he distances himself from you that you feel the need to pull him back to you even more? I hope I'm not out of line here, this is just what occurs to me.