It has taken me a long time to realize that the whole notion of being in love, love, and romance is actually a load of nonsense that wastes a lot of energy and time. Why do we bother with it all, we beat ourselves up wondering why it doesn’t work out. Funny how caring about others hurt ourselves so much…

Well, stuff that, I am no longer wasting any time on any of it. The only thing to do now is to live my own life in my own way and my own world. My universe is my own and my own alone. I will no longer dwell on it, think about it or be bothered with it. It is a problem that I caused myself and it is a problem that I am forced to resolve myself.

The idea of love and romance and stuff lay dormant in my mind for a long time and the one day it all came flooding back to me…(when I met the perfect girl whom I wanted to give the moon...She got such a fright that I never saw her since - although I've managed to convince her that I am not actually a crazy stalker) Well the time has come to put it all back where it belongs, to forget about it and move on….

What bothers me most about all of this is that I ended up having to apologize for my feelings towards her and had to write it off to "Mania" to retain any semblance of friendship. If it was "Mania" then howcome I still feel a tinge of sadness when I think about her even though I am on antidepressants and on a mood stabilizer. No matter what I do I am unable to shake the feelings of love and care that I have for her...

Anyhow, the only thing left to do is to forget about all of it and move on within my own solitary world. She seemed like an oasis within the the burning sunlight of my desolate emotional desert.

The only thing that I want to accomplish now is to shake the sad feeling and go back to my normal emotionally flatline self.....please tell me how?