Hi there Kathy, I'm really sorry to hear you and your son have had such a hard time.

I'm 27 and am only now undergoing assessment for ASD as my most recent PDoc (who has an interest in ASD) is pretty positive that Apsergers is the reason for a lot of my 'quirks' throughout my life.

I've always had problems with understanding other people, relating to my peers, grasping the nuances of unspoken communication etc. I've lived by strict routines to the point where they've over run most other things in my life, even as a child my mother said I had to do everything the same way every day or I'd have a meltdown (not that we knew what a meltdown was until recently) and retreat to my bedroom or lock myself in the bathroom and once I'd calmed down, I'd have to start from the beginning again.

I had a lot of issues with clothing, socks was a major thing for me, I couldn't stand socks that 'felt wrong' on my feet so in the end my mother found ones I liked and bought only that brand and it's the same brand I still use today.

Sadly during school life, I too suffered a lot of bullying. At the time it didn't make any sense to me, but as I've matured and started to learn more about social dynamics I understand that to the other kids at school, I was more than a little 'odd' and unfortunately a lot of kids are still raised with very little understanding of accepting people who are different to them. I didn't play sports, I'd much rather spend my breaks in the classroom reading or painting, I didn't enjoy being around the other children because none of them ever 'got me', I preferred adult company.

My teenage years were a nightmare for my mother, at the time I really didn't know I was any different to anybody else and in a lot of ways that made it harder I think. Never knowing why I felt the way I did, or why my brain found it impossible to listen to and understand conversations around me. More often than not I would zone out if there was more than one other person in the room (and I'm still very guilty of this).

Over the years, I've had no less than four PDocs/counsellors and each of them simply diagnosed me with depression, which left me feeling rather empty and let down as I didn't always feel depressed, but I had a hard time explaining or in fact even understanding what it was I did feel. Needless to say, the anti depressants I kept getting put on were a waste and did nothing so I stopped taking them each time.

A few months ago though, I had a serious meltdown and really started to worry about my mental health because of it so was referred to a new PDoc, she is the first one to mention Aspergers to me and my mother and I have now done a lot of research on the subject and found that unsurprisingly it fits my life like a snug tea cosy.

I'm not exactly sure what the 'assessment' for ASD is like (I really wish I'd asked because not knowing is actually driving me crazy), but I'm currently waiting for a referral to a clinic in Edinburgh for this assessment before my PDoc will continue any more work with me.

I do feel a little apprehensive about such a diagnosis and I'm also a little annoyed that if this is the cause of my difficulties, that it wasn't caught a lot sooner. However, there is a large part of me which is feeling relief for the first time in as long as I can remember. Reading online blogs written by people with AS has been such a calming influence on my mind, seeing that other people feel and think the same way I do is very comforting. The label may not undo the damage, or even fix my life, but it will make me feel connected to others for the first time in my life and make me feel that I'm not 'wrong' or 'broken'. Especially a blog I found which discussed 'meltdowns' and how to spot them coming on and deal with them before they reach critical, as I said I've never known what meltdowns were yet from what I've read, I've been having them all of my life and they cause a lot of strain on my relationships with family and the few friends I've been able to make over the years. When my mother read one of them, she actually said she wished she'd known all of this years ago because she would have handled things differently.

I'm not sure if this post will have been any help to you, but I hope it shows that even if it's a little late, a diagnosis can still help.