I'm not sure why either. I started when I was about 12, there were a lot of things going on in my life and things were very rough but I really don't think it had much to do with that honestly. It was just a random urge once I started getting depressed and I didn't understand why I kept doing it but it kept getting worse to the point where I was doing it multiple times a day. I certainly didn't imagine it would be something I'd still be doing 7 years later. I would get frustrated because in the beginning I wasn't so dependent on it, but then it got worse and even when I went out places and everything seemed fine I would go somewhere and do it when nobody was around. I would go in the bathroom during lunch when I was in high school and do it then wonder what's wrong with me, why am I in here doing this to myself to "feel better''.

I got to a point where I came close to completely quitting and the urges to do it nearly stopped on a certain medication I was on but when I stopped taking it I started doing it even worse then I had before to the point where it kind of scared me. What bothers me now are the things that I could possible relate to why I started when I was younger are no longer going on in my life, at this point there's nothing that should cause me to feel this way anymore, my life is actually normal now, nothing bad is happening so I feel guilty about doing it and feeling like this.