Loss of any kind efforts the heart. Death effects my soul. For others I send prayers. For myself I can pray.
But, for this personal loss - I stand, sit, sleep, walk in sadness that words cannot express.

I am the oldest of four sisters - 52.
2/-1/2 years ago my sister age 48 passed horrifically.
Now the next sister who was also 48 took her life.
That lives the baby sister who is 46.

The gap - This one can't be filled.

I'm having awful, unexpected emotional set backs, new traumas, new/old triggers. Not doing so well.

Death of the two middle sisters.

At age 12 I had no longer lived at home with them, but lived in foster homes due to our abusive parenting.

When the memorial pictures were shown they were of only the three girls.

Not taking anything from my loving sister passed - Triggers of that age and past abusive childhood for us all has more than reared it's ugly head - It is taking over.

If we had, had a healthy up bringing both sisters would still be here.

I'm sick, shaking, grieving, lost, confused, angry, hurt, sorry, sad - I don't know where I am.

Just to continue with the steps I've been taking which have never been healthy.

This seems unbearable, but we lived through much unbearable....
Yet death seems to be our families why of coping.

This is a horrible horrible horrible thing

Love, Blessing, Prayers to you all