She has me on it because the original meds for depression weren't cutting it and I ended up inpatient again--for the fourth time. Something had to give. It was either try this or ECT, and I am not doing ECT. I will admit that I don't feel deep, dark depression anymore, but neither do I feel like myself anymore. And I don't like it. I don't even remember what it's like to feel like a normal person.

You're not out of line; you're exactly right. I'd rather hang out with J than anyone else I'm friends with. J and I (used to) do more fun things than the other people I hang out with. That, and it was nice to hang out with a guy for a change; I don't have any guy friends. He was kind of like a surrogate boyfriend without the mess of ever having that possibility over my head since he's gay. Really though, I think the reason why we were so drawn to each other is much deeper. I'm overly emotional while he is emotionally stunted. In a dysfunctional way, we balanced each other out, or we sought to balance each other out. In the end, it didn't work out that way. We just poked at each other's weak spots too hard. Also, I grew up with chaotic relationships and this was definitely one of those so...in a way, it was familiar to me. All in all, it was probably just unhealthy from the get-go but you could never have told me that. I wouldn't have listened.