Hello. This sounds like a coping skill for you, although it might not be the most healthy one. Sometimes when emotions are so difficult and devastating to deal with, it is easier to feel numb, nothing or dis-attached from this reality, rather than to feel the pain. We do this often subconsciously without realizing, however it can sometimes lead to pent up aggression/anxiety or depression. You have taken a wonderful step by reaching out for help on here. I would highly recommend therapy (if you are not already in it) and to discuss this with your therapist. Everyone experiences grief in their own way and there is no set time for how long each person overcomes the grief. However therapy can help you process/cope and deal with some of these painful emotions. Good luck with everyone!
-Dan.