I now more than ever realize that my emotional range is so lacking. To always feel tense and not have happiness really bothers me now. I see people around me all too often so easily expressing emotions that I know because I hear of but never truly feel myself. To be programmed for all these years and now trying to figure ways to "modify" myself plays such games with my mind. I too have felt the ways you describe in certain moments, especially after learning of my issues. It is so crazy how these things happen to some of us while others have their perfect little ways and yet I really believe our minds are so much more than all of them. What I do know is that with us we will have our moments of defeat but we also will have our periods of victory as well. I strive to fix me to better myself and make me better for the people close to me. Funny how difficult this is and the emotional range I fall into is numb to annoyed when all I am looking for is to be able to have such easy happy moments like many others do!!! Days like your having will pass and better ones will come, the problem is the cycle...... Good luck!!