Ok so I've been suicidal before so that itself wouldn't come as a surprise to my therapist. Lately it's changed a little from a rash impulsive feeling I get when things are particularly bad to something that feels more logical and thought out. The only thing that's stopped me in the past is how it would affect my family and friends but I'm making preparations to make it easier for them.

The actual point of this post isn't for people to try and persuade me not to do it. It's just that I'm confused about it myself. I want to tell my therapist and talk to her about it. It makes me wonder whether I actually do want to do it. I don't want her to think I'm just saying it or just looking for attention. But then maybe by talking about it I am just looking for attention? It worries me to be honest, I've spent the day clearing out my bedroom so it's less for my family to do later and it worries me. But then surely if I'm worried about it it means I don't actually want to do anything?

Another thing of note is that the planned date isn't imminent. It's over a month away (I think). I don't want to be hospitalised because I NEED to be left to my own devices.

I just don't know how to bring it up or what to say or how to tell her. My appointment is tomorrow and I want to tell her, but how?