I'm slowly crumbling. The urge is strong and there nearly every moment. My whole body trembled from the fight to stay safe. I have promised so many people by now, that there is no slipping up without immense consequences. I know the couple's t is going to ask about my mood tomorrow, and I don't want to focus on me. I want to focus on us. That's what couples t is about. But I'm afraid she will push, out my Wife will say something. I'm not doing well. My wife knows that. I just don't want to address it there. I have my own t for that. And j don't want to go to group tonight because I may have to talk. I mean, I want to go to group, but I don't want to have to talk. I'm so immersed in myself, I'm afraid she may explore that a bit, and my last reserves will fall. I'm afraid that would happen anywhere I talk right now. I say with a tool for a long time this morning. It wasn't my preferred tool, and I wasn't adept at using it, so I stopped before I screwed something up. If it had been my preferred tool, I would have caved And had that guilt over that too. I know my t is working hard to try to help me. I know he's trying to get me support from my family also, but I don't know if I can hold out long enough for things to pan out. And I'm feeling guilty about the effort out in on my behalf...
Sorry for the errors. In my phone and it dislike the forums today. Wife is up And wants to talk/hang.