Thanks for this, Jenny.
I have been working very hard over the last three and a half years on my mental illness, out of desperation, hoping I'll get 'better', trying to get back to where I was. I feel insecure about having to leave the work force due to it. I've been on disability for two years and I see no end in sight. I get upset when symptoms force me to ground myself at home, cancel my schedule, and rest until I feel well enough to resurface, which is usually days. I don't see how, with the things I experience, I could ever be a functioning part of the world again.
But a few days ago I realized, I don't really like a lot of what I see in the world anyway. And my whole life I have tried to fit myself into a round hole, when I am really a square peg. I have been breaking my back at stupid jobs, struggling for good grades, trying to please indifferent and abusive people, navigating adult life with no boundaries or emotional coping skills, just trying to keep my head above water and barely making it out alive.
No wonder things are the way they are!
So I have decided that I am going to start shifting my focus a little. Rather than being so hell-bent on trying to get back to where I was, I am going to embrace where I'm at, scary days and all. I am going to find something I can do, like my art and writing, that I can pick and put down as necessary, depending on my functional capabilities on any given day. And I am going to build a life for myself that is as safe, secure and healthy as I can manage. So thanks for reminding me that it's okay to be different, because I really need to hear that kind of stuff right now. Wishing you all the best.