I walked around with a scapel in my pocket all day on Monday. Not my perfered method and I could have caused serious damage if I used it. It was just a sense of comfort knowing it was there. Usually when I get that triggered something has happened in the present that causes a part of me to feel trapped, worthless, not ok as I am and not capable. I have to realize it is just a part that is triggered and will eventually calm down. Talking to the therapist, any therapist, will act like a release valve on a pressure cooker. Feel better.