My T feels like a stranger, I feel she wants to get rid of me, she doesn't even try anymore. Here are some quotes and events from today;

Knowing about my CSA and talking about an hour exam & consultation at the hospital next week that is giving me crying and panic attacks; 'Rectopathic, it isn't JUST you, no-one likes them.' End of discussion.

On asking to see my scars that I was speaking honestly about (I know!) 'there's hardly anything there.' Belittling my concern again. She's doesn't care that I s/h, she says its stupid. Do you know how vulnerable I felt showing her?! I wanted to disappear.

Talking about next weeks appointment 'Rectopathic, your hospital appointment is next week so I probably won't see you' Firstly we had a long talk that my appointment at the hospital is 9am, my session with T is 9 hours later!! She was hoping I wouldn't be able to make it, and to think I was going to ask for an extra session! No talks about coping methods, just 'relax' in the exam.

I feel like 5 years has gone down the drain and there isn't much point seeing a new T.

There was so many things, it felt like everything she said was one sentence , she got angry I couldn't relax, shes seeing my closest friend tomorrow (ethical?) I just had to cry on the way home. I went into the session saying sorry for not working hard enough and that I wanted for therapy to work no matter how hard. She finished early and I just wanted to run out.

I should have given her my termination letter and left. Why I thought I could fix this rupture is beyond me. It hurts. I'm obviously meant to go through IVF alone; another thing she doesn't understand. She doesn't follow up on anything and never asks how I feel. I feel like I've lost a friend who just doesn't care. I don't know what I can do to fix this; I'm doing everything she asks.

Sorry