Quote:
Originally Posted by Rect0pathic
My T feels like a stranger, I feel she wants to get rid of me, she doesn't even try anymore. Here are some quotes and events from today;
Knowing about my CSA and talking about an hour exam & consultation at the hospital next week that is giving me crying and panic attacks; 'Rectopathic, it isn't JUST you, no-one likes them.' End of discussion.
On asking to see my scars that I was speaking honestly about (I know!) 'there's hardly anything there.' Belittling my concern again. She's doesn't care that I s/h, she says its stupid. Do you know how vulnerable I felt showing her?! I wanted to disappear.
Talking about next weeks appointment 'Rectopathic, your hospital appointment is next week so I probably won't see you' Firstly we had a long talk that my appointment at the hospital is 9am, my session with T is 9 hours later!! She was hoping I wouldn't be able to make it, and to think I was going to ask for an extra session! No talks about coping methods, just 'relax' in the exam.
I feel like 5 years has gone down the drain and there isn't much point seeing a new T.
There was so many things, it felt like everything she said was one sentence , she got angry I couldn't relax, shes seeing my closest friend tomorrow (ethical?) I just had to cry on the way home. I went into the session saying sorry for not working hard enough and that I wanted for therapy to work no matter how hard. She finished early and I just wanted to run out.
I should have given her my termination letter and left. Why I thought I could fix this rupture is beyond me. It hurts. I'm obviously meant to go through IVF alone; another thing she doesn't understand. She doesn't follow up on anything and never asks how I feel. I feel like I've lost a friend who just doesn't care. I don't know what I can do to fix this; I'm doing everything she asks.
Sorry  |
Sorry for this recto, all of the above is very invalidating. From what you are sharing here it seems as though your t is taking the tough t approach. Was she always this invalidating? Maybe she feels like this is the only way to get through to you is to downplay your problems. I absolutely do not agree with this approach but it helps some people to move on with their lives.
As for her not following up on anything, I know that some ts will do this because by asking you something it will be taking control of your session. I mean they prefer to let you lead the conversation and to hold a space open for you to talk about what you like to talk about. Sometimes a t has to try and leave their nosiness and curiosity out of therapy. It might come across as not caring but it is because they care and want the client to use their time as they need it.
I really do not like the way she handled your scars. This was you at your most vulnerable and it wouldn't have hurt for her to acknowledge that and try not to normalize them or belittle them. If you see her again, I think this is important for you to tell her how this hurt so much and how much you are actually hurting physically and emotionally. I think that if you or anyone is S/h they are in pain and the scars are only the tip of the iceberg the real pain is inside waiting to be seen and acknowledged.
