I was fine a week ago, good even, while living with my parents. Now I am living on my own, in a city where I have no close friends. I had a good friend who I thought was going to live here for the next year, but she lost her job and had to leave the state. I care very deeply for this friend; I love her very intensely. I asked her out on dates twice two semesters ago, and got rejected both times. I still love her, want no one but her...

Anyway, hearing that she had to go was quite a shock. And to make things worse, I had dinner plans with another friend tonight, but he had to cancel because he is in another city visiting his parents.

I just feel so alone, and I hate it! I feel like God hates me. He's trying to make my life miserable. He gave me bipolar, He took my friends away (before my symptoms started, I had no trouble making friends), He's the reason why I'm single and miserable. I'm so angry at God and the universe.

I just want to be done. I've had enough; I've felt enough pain. I'm ready for another life, a life where I don't have to deal with depression, where I can make friends just by talking to people (like everybody else), where I can love someone who feels the same way about me.

I've been feeling sui on and off since last night. I don't think I'm going to act on it. I'm too damn cowardly.

I just want life to stop being so hard for a few seconds. And I want friends. I'm a good friend; I really cherish and enjoy other people. So why is it that I'm the one who is always alone?