I know what you mean. Theres a whole sub culture of unhealthy thinking people. Theres reasons for that. You were born into a world in motion. You didnt realize how much motion til you started to get older. As you get older, if you look, you'll see there are certain gears at work in the world at all times. If you pay attention you'll see that these gears actually oppose each other in direction and we, the people, get pulled into these gears unknowingly. Thats why we have bullies and domestic violence and many other unhealthy habits. There is a machine keeping it all running.

I escaped somewhat when I found the spirit of God. I now can love and forgive and be hopeful. I still worry though, the forces are strong.

Sounds paranoid doesnt it? For me its not, I call it awareness. I choose what I believe. I see with my own eyes. I dont conform or follow, I merge in and out. Way too much to tell you without specific questions to answer and what works for me isnt for all. I can only tell you what has worked for me.

You are a diamond in the rough so to speak. Youre still growing, still learning. It hurts but you will eventually get to the point, if you dont give up, where you see beauty alongside the not so beautiful. Take nukes for instance. The plant disaster in Japan was horrid. Did you see the spirit of those who survived? This wasnt an event for our observation or so that we could learn something new about ourselves, it was a tragic killing event in which many died. And in the rubble we saw the sprit of the survivors. Beauty where none could possibly exist.

The world is beautiful if you could let yourself see.