They don't really make me feel like a zombie per se, I just don't feel like myself. And it seems like the only feelings I feel are anxiety and agitation. I don't ever feel happy or excited. I don't remember what it's like to feel joy over anything, to actually enjoy something, you know? Not even eating. I just eat because my stomach tells me I'm hungry and I don't have much of an appetite, so I am full quickly. I've lost 23 lbs and I need to lose like, at least 20 more so there's one good thing about it, but it's sad not to even enjoy food that much, and to be so anxious that you can't eat.

I never, ever have friends ask me to do anything. Ever. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had someone ask me to do something without me contacting them first. So when J told me, upon breaking up our friendship, that he just dreads hanging out with me anymore, it cut deep because I feel like that's how all of my friends feel about me.