You don't sound all that bad. Just afraid, anxious, and very hard on yourself. Give yourself a hug. What do you have for support? What are your options? A tornado is a frightening event. If you aren't alive, there is no chance of growth. And I for one HATE physical exams and avoid them as much as possible. I medicate beforehand. But really, hugs to you and give yourself a break. You deserve it. Meantime, if you need to talk and rant and be comforted why not try a help line? It is what it is there for and the other person is not someone you have to face at any time. Who cares what they think? What they think, really, is "How can I help?", and later "Did I do OK?"