sometimes when i look at normal people and them saying "i feel sad. i feel empty." i can't feel some sense of empathy for them. that in my brain i will always go "maybe for you it's easy to get out of it. i have to work doubly hard. even with medications i still have to work doubly hard." i hate this. i used to be someone who cared for others... where was the me who did so?

still feeling low. but as usual, for appearance's sake i will "suck it up" and look happy. having urges to si again and i don't know whether i can stop myself this time. i'm even thinking of buying new tools... this is bad