I took the leap of faith and I´m relieved but terrified at the same time. Huge mistake or the beginning of something new and exciting. I honestly don´t feel at ease with my (ex)wife and yet we´ve been through very rough times for almost 11 years. She has been dealing with problems, not mental illness, and I have stood by her. Now she´s much better but I´m getting some kind of a p. disorder. I´ve had it from the age of 15 I think but it´s getting worse now. I can´t handle stress and problems very well. By the way, she has also stood by me, but I simply want out, sick or not sick.

Maybe I´m just one of those losers. I hope not. Maybe it´s possible to find some kind of happiness. At least I know that I have to start by loving my self, not only in some mania, but all the time. I´m by far my worst enemy. Sometimes I wander - why bother. I know many here have same thoughts in difficult circumstances and one of the things that gives me hope now is the fact that many of you have survived and are doing just ok. And to end my self pity - maybe, just maybe everything has some meaning.