((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((biiv))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So sorry you are having a rough time. You really need to be completely honest with your T. That's the only way you are going to get better. I know it's hard but if the T doesn't know the truth, then how can he/she truly help. I am only saying this because I care and don't want you to hurt anymore.
Take care,
Linda