So not really lying, more like... not telling the whole story.

I have this strange thing that goes on in my head when I'm in a session. I guess it comes from years of hiding. I don't like to be seen as weak. I don't like to disappoint people. And I have a severe issue with trusting people. Particularly with my T and pdoc, both of whom I really don't like all that much. But... I'm giving it a chance.

So I find myself lying to them to make things not seem as bad as they actually are. I'm not saying it's even all THAT bad comparitively speaking, but I can't get past the mental block long enough to completely let my guard down. Every once in a while I'll say something and immediately feel dumb for saying it so I'll shut down and immediately minimize it... like I make fun of myself and downplay it. It's just a natural reaction I guess.

One example: Until recently I thought those voices I heard in my head... that "radio" that plays 7 stations at the same time... I thought that was normal. Seriously. I thought everyone had their own internal voices that liked to yell at them from time to time.

I meet with both of them next week and am nervous about telling them about it. I don't want anti psychotics... more than anything that's the last thing I want. So why mention it, especially to my pdoc?