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Originally Posted by Nessa213
So not really lying, more like... not telling the whole story.
I have this strange thing that goes on in my head when I'm in a session. I guess it comes from years of hiding. I don't like to be seen as weak. I don't like to disappoint people. And I have a severe issue with trusting people. Particularly with my T and pdoc, both of whom I really don't like all that much. But... I'm giving it a chance.
So I find myself lying to them to make things not seem as bad as they actually are. I'm not saying it's even all THAT bad comparitively speaking, but I can't get past the mental block long enough to completely let my guard down. Every once in a while I'll say something and immediately feel dumb for saying it so I'll shut down and immediately minimize it... like I make fun of myself and downplay it. It's just a natural reaction I guess.
One example: Until recently I thought those voices I heard in my head... that "radio" that plays 7 stations at the same time... I thought that was normal. Seriously. I thought everyone had their own internal voices that liked to yell at them from time to time.
I meet with both of them next week and am nervous about telling them about it. I don't want anti psychotics... more than anything that's the last thing I want. So why mention it, especially to my pdoc?
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So a couple of things if you have been having this since fourth grade you might actually miss the voices if you did take meds, two the meds might not even work, three there are some people called voice hearers that range around five percent of the population that just hear voices and its not pathological. If you're not worried about it and it's been a stable part of your life don't guilt yourself out for not telling pdoc and T. Although you might want to tell your T if they aren't particularly med pushing...but if your pdoc and T are associated watch out because people medicate variations they don't understand and pdocs aren't very understanding of the more colorful aspects of life. I was talking to my pdoc about psychics and he immediately said they were all scammers before I could even say anything. Anyway I think you're doing the right thing for you, but if they start interfering with your sleep too much you might want to try a med.