...so I just finished my 12th argument within 12 days with my BF, and it's driving me bananas.

First, this guy is absolutely amazing... Seriously, a dream come true, but I fear every single day that he's going to leave. He has done everything in his power to try to make me feel secure, but the smallest thing will send me into this protection mode, and I start pushing him away.

Here's the thing... he grew up in a PERFECT family. His mom and dad were together 34 years. His family had big dinners every Sunday. Everyone knows everyone, etc.

I grew up with a legally blind father, and I never knew my biological mother. All I know is that she was much younger than him (a pattern that he has continued to this day), and I am almost certain that he beat her because Ive personally witnessed him do it to the other countless women that have been in and out of the house. My bio mother died of a heroin overdose when I was 6 years old, and I couldn't tell you what she looked like... so... as you can see, our lives were totally different.

My adult life, though financially successful, has been a constant whirlwind of bad relationships. I have had cheaters, beaters, losers... pretty much every bad guy one can pick out so that hasn't helped me. In fact, my father taught me to ACCEPT that men aren't monogamous and as long as they are financially supporting me, to put up with infidelities...

Needless to say, I am damaged. So here comes this perfect guy and I don't want him to leave me because I'm a "project". It's not fair for me to expect him to "save" me. I have been working really hard to hide my insecurities and my past issues, but lately they have been coming out and I 'm afraid its going to turn him off (no one wants a needy, clingy girl).

Tonight I accused him of pushing me away when he proclaimed the opposite. He says he is with me, but I keep telling him he doesn't want to be.

I really want this to work (by the way I have been in therapy for the last year since my brother's suicide), but I'm afraid that it would be much easier for him to find someone with less issues.

How do I STOP this pattern before I destroy the best thing that's ever happened to me? Seriously, I have been like Jekyll and Hyde all week...