Today, I spent my entire day out of town with two of my closest friends. One, knows about my severe depression and thoughts of wanting to kill myself. I told her at the beginning of the day that it will be hard for me to engage and have fun. While I did really enjoy my day, it was so hard to just stop and feel happy. When I'm around people, especially a lot of people or in a public place, I just feel so lost, and empty. I find myself starring at everyone, drowning in my own sea of unhappiness as I watch others be happy and live a more normal life than I.

I don't know what it was about today that made me feel so alone, unhappy and helpless, but I did. I feel terrible because I know my friends had a great time, but I know they knew I did not. They try so hard for me to be happy but nothing seems to bring me out of this sad shell I'm in.