I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and yes, there's people here who have felt the same, and might be feeling the same now. We're happy to listen and help as much as we can.

Try to take some small comfort from the idea that you ARE a good mum. You have faced, and are facing, problems and trials greater than most people ever have to. And you have stuck it out for your children. You have chosen to live, for your children.

Hopefully in time you'll live for yourself, but if it's for the children at the moment I'll take that, so long as you live.