Wow gaslightpunk. You have a lot to deal with! I don't know how I can help you, sorry. I really hope you get the help you need and deserve, and that you can find some hope inside of you to hold on to. I would definitely see a pdoc if you can afford it, even though you don't have insurance. Meds can really help your mood stabilize and can make it a lot easier for you to have a functioning relationship with your parents. A better environment for you at home will also make it easier for you to achieve your goal of staying clean. I don't know what else to say, other than "stay strong!". And you seem to be doing a good job at that. I wish you all the luck you need to get that semblance of normalcy that you want.