*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I feel like a fraud. People are worse off than me and dealing much better than I am. I can't deal with stress and everything that's going on - I just can't.

Therapist is trying to help but this week wasn't good. And now no way to apologize for being so difficult. I'm sorry I'm so difficult. I'm sorry people try to help and I let them down. I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I'm being a pest. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm sorry for complaining.

Stuck. Stuck in a rut of my own stupidness. Stupid mistakes, worthless person and its not worth it trying to feel better because I don't know how to.

People were mean to me this week. I don't know if they meant it, but what they've said hurts. Sometimes because I know its not true, but sometimes because I know that it IS the truth.

I don't make much sense do I?

I just don't have energy. Not to eat. Not to sleep. Not to study. And barely enough to smile and pretend to be fine. Can't have anyone worry. Emotionally I'm all over the map but its too hard to control. I'm angry. But at what... myself? I'm sad. I'm so screwed up.

How did I manage to survive this long?

All I do is hurt. Want to hurt. Need people to hurt me. Squish me like a bug. I deserve it.