I know the feeling. Every time I started going out with friends again after a major episode, I would stare at people and feel as if I did not belong because I did not share their energy and laughter. I got tired just thinking about trying to come up to their level of "normalcy" and vitality and all I usually wanted was to curl up alone somewhere safe and dark with just my undemanding cat for company.

Fortunately one of my best friends knows a lot about depression. I try to only go out with her after really bad bouts of depression. I would be awkward and unsure, but she would try to draw me out and at the same time let me know I should just do what's comfortable for me. We would do very low key things that don't involve a lot of conversation; a movie, followed by coffee, and no talk about my black dog days until, maybe weeks later, when and if I feel comfortable about it I would blurt out a little about it. She doesn't pressure me about it, for which I'm glad, and she is generous with long close hugs with no questions asked, for which I'm thankful, more so since this ugly cycle has been going on for years and in more than one occasions I've let her down: freaking out and going incommunicado on her important events with which I've promised to help, for instance.

Sorry for rambling on. All I really wanted to say is these things happen, they come and go. But friends who stick around make it bearable.

*hugs*