Hi GenCat,
Thanks a lot for sharing. It helps me, as well. I admire you because you seem to be a young persons with maturity and self consciousness, and because you went to see your friends even you knew you may not enjoy it as much as you want. I hope you feel better soon. I do not know how to say this, without offending people in America, who have been so good to me. I have learned so many things in America, but I found that your culture is too competitive and that that brings a lot of unhappiness to people. Since you are born, you are forced to compare yourself with others. That is not good, and it is useless. You and your circumstances are an unique event in this Universe. There is not better or worse compared to others. There is better or worse compared to yourself. Please, do not judge yourself in comparison to others. you can look at your past and see if you have progressed or gone backwards, and try to understand why. Sometimes, we feel a lot of pain at recognizing we are going backwards or the past comes to hunt us. But at least we are focussing on our own improvement. On the other hand, what is the level of happiness of your friends, really? We never know what happens inside them. (Sorry, but I saw that many times people have to show off their happiness and demonstrate everything is OK with them in your culture, regardless the thrush. Why? to me, this is insane) Also... Are they really living the life they want, or they are copies of what this society wants them to become? i feel in America life is too programmed and that if you do not fit in those cannons (marrying, having a degree, having a car, having children) you are a loser. Why? Who said that? Read the post of Bluegerbera1 above. She says she has all what people want to have: a family, friends, a good job. But still, she is depressed. I do not if what I am telling you is helpful, and I apologize if i offended you or you feel I have prejudices against your country. But, if you can, please, think about it a least for a bit. The bottom line to me is that sometime the cause of our depression is not only in ourselves, it is in society. Society pushes us too hard. And in fact, sometimes, we are too originals for this society. Our difference bothers society and sadden us, we feel unhappy because we are different, and according to the norms of society, we are not as 'winners' as we should. Of course, having a boyfriend or a career could be a good thing. So, it is OK to miss them. But, again, "could", because, in fact, sometimes they are not good. Anyway, again, thank yo for sharing.