I'm really sorry your feeling this way freewill.
God touches people in different way I suppose. I know a couple of friends who go to church every Sunday who are very nice people and are deep believers in God. This didn't stop the guy from getting prostate cancer which was cured about a year ago but unfortunately his wife is dying from cancer. He is soooooooo strong and gives some of his time even though he know his wife is on her death bed. I"d love to be like him one day if I find myself in the same situation. Whatever happens you stand up and face it. God is not punishing you he probably just needs you beside him to help him out. I'm not sure that I would have the courage to be like this man. I saw him this week and I think I know what he is going through. When my dad was very ill I could stand to see him suffer and I prayed god to take him by his side so he would be in peace. Sortly after my prayers became reality. God excepts everyone and he doesn't choose between the good guys and the bad guys.
Maybe you don't agree with me but that's how I feel right now.
Take care